open mouth staring

I like to consider myself a kind person. However, when faced with an overly chatty person at the checkout counter I become cold, callous, and unresponsive. Unsuspecting cashiers release the Kraken of fury inside me with their relentless attempts to make small talk. No, I do not want to talk to you about my Thanksgiving travels. What I do with my brownie mix is none of your business. Why are you asking about my day? WE DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER! I will politely answer at least one question with a 'fine' or a 'sure', but anything beyond that makes me uncharacteristically and irrationally homicidal. I have tied to figure out why I have such a huge problem with small talk over the exchange of money for goods. So far no acceptable reasons have surfaced.

one thousand gum wrappers

“I find dating exhausting and uninteresting, and I really would like to skip over the hours of conversation that you need to get up to speed on each other’s lives, and the stories I’ve told a million times. I just want to get to the watching TV in bed. If you’re on a date with me, you can be certain that this is what I’m evaluating you for: how good is it going to be, cuddling with you in bed and watching Damages?”

—Sarah Silverman, from The Bedwetter

thank you sarah for letting me know that i'm not alone.

when my skin turns into glue

at the risk of sounding schizophrenic i'll tell you about a new friend that started to form in my mind today. he's a donkey from bulgaria whose greatest desire in life is to become a celebrated poet. he sits in cafes with his notebook and orders cup after cup of tea while waiting for inspiration to come. he researches daily and reads books of poetry. so far his favorites are Ovid, Emily Dickinson, and Jay-Z. he love haikus and epic poems, limericks and iambic pentameter. but he has yet to write a single poem. for some reason his notebook contains only tea stains and a doodle of the solar system which still includes Pluto because he doesn't believe in science. he believes in love and beauty and truth and the tooth fairy (seriously, she gave him 3 quarters and a dime for his last tooth). for now we must wait for the prose which fills his sensitive donkey heart to spill onto the page and into the annuls of history.

elation and dispair, thrill and terror

over the last week i have been thinking about all the things i would do with just a little bit more money.
here is a selection of the things that i would do:
buy at least 10 more coats. get a scooter. or maybe two scooters because it's always more fun with a friend. get nicer sheets. put snow tires on my go cart of a car. not work while going to school. buy more sparkly things like nail polish, earrings and sequin covered pants. turn up the heat whenever i want. get my hair done more than once every six months. fly first class. have a dog. shopping spree at sephora. cook more. visit my mom, alot. wear daily contacts. have a friendly and gentle personal trainer. take my sister to disneyland. get a diamond facial just to see what it's like to be j-lo. buy music.
i could go on, but that would be obnoxious.